ESL--English as a Second Language

Don't get me wrong -- I wish English was my second language. You know, both my parents are fluent in German. They served full-time missions there for two years. My mom is half German and my dad is a quarter. Wouldn't you think they'd teach their kids? YEAH, ME TOO. But no, they wanted a secret language. Anyway, I'd kill to be a native German speaker. 


PICTURE THIS. You are a fabulously talented T-shirt designer, and English is your second language. Recently you've wanted to have some English writing on your shirts. So you come up with a few good ideas, and then what? You run it by a native English speaker, right? One would think. I've been noticing increasing numbers of shirts that just don't make sense here. I love it though; it's hilarious. Take a look:

"My Little Black Dress." Excuse me, but there is nothing black about that dress. That dark color you're seeing is blue. I don't think this is an appropriate substitute for a cocktail dress anyway. But thanks for the laugh. 

This one just makes me chuckle. I guess that's probably what penguins think about...except when they're freezing their little tushies off! Don't people watch March of the Penguins??

This shirt makes no sense. I guess it got lost in translation...BUT, this is the best EVER:

In case you think you're misreading this shirt that is very clearly on a BOY, it says "I'm a very famous girl." Well, okay. YOU GO GIRL. LOUD AND PROUD HONEY. Note to self: It's not just about the designer. Make sure you know what your shirt says before you wear it. Or don't, and provide humor for the thousands. 

So come to Moscow and see the very well-dressed and the very strangely-dressed. We can even buy you a shirt with Russian writing! But we'll make sure the message is appropriate. Until then, до свидания!